Rosemead Kiwanis Club

   "Serving the Community Since 1945"






The Fax of Life

A weekly inspiration, courtesy of the Kiwanis Club of Scott's Valley

November 30, 1997                                                                       Vol. 3,   No.9


Yule Rush


If an alien from another planet were to drop in on America around December 22, he would find himself in another world. Not only would it be different from his own, but it would be substantially different from our own. A magical transformation comes over our country sometime in the late fall, right after Thanksgiving... or Halloween... or Labor Day. (Will the day ever come when the fireworks stands will begin selling Christmas trees, just to avoid the rush?) 


Well, anyway, if such an alien were to attempt to report on the story behind all this December effort, it might go like this:


Mork, calling Orson. Mork, calling Orson. Hello, Orson?


Orson, they have this amazing festival down here that everybody gets into,

but especially the stores and shopping malls...  What s that?  Oh, well,

they're sort of an enclosed walkway where you can go and meet your friends

and smell cookies baking and buy ice cream cones to spill on the clothes in

the stores.  They're the same in every city... I think there's an enormous

computer somewhere that spits them out and drops them in the suburbs, right

in the middle of a sea of automobiles that can't move. They got them in there

somehow, but there's no way to get in any more.


Oh yes, the festival.  Well, it's all about a little boy with a drum, and he's born in a sleigh, in some straw, right next to some chestnuts roasting on an open fire...


Yes, it is a bit dangerous, but its okay because he is guarded by this

enormous fat man in a red suit named Round John Virgin, standing by a tree

with a partridge it in, drinking something called Wassail... No I'm not

exactly sure what it is, and nobody here can tell me. But there s a lady

kneeling nearby with a light over her head, and a couple of sheep and a

donkey and a camel and this really strange deer with a red electric nose, and

a dog sleeping on top of his doghouse while a crotchety old man is hoisting

this crippled boy on his shoulder who is holding a turkey by the neck and

saying, "God bless us everyone!"


Yeah, the little boy says that, not the turkey!... Well, anyway, after they

sing a while they take all these packages and wrap them up in paper which

they then take right off again, and the little kids play with the paper and

the older kids say, "Is that all?" and the fathers sit in front of the

picture-box and the mothers collapse on a chair.


The festival concludes sixty days later with an observance called "Visa Card

Day" when everybody becomes really serious, religious and worshipful.

Millions of people open envelopes and say, "My God!"


Yeah, its really a lot of fun. We ought to introduce it up there on Ork.


Well, that s all. NANU, NANU!


                --- Larry Ballenger,

                     Pastor of Calvary Presbyterian Church in Fresno, CA


[Editor's Note: this essay was a fantasized parody based on a television situation comedy called Mork and Mindy.  This show featured a friendly but naive alien observer (Mork) of humanity, who came from the planet Ork. He reported on earthly goings on to his superior (Orson) while being acquainted with human ways by Mindy, his primary human contact.  "Nanu Nanu" was Mork's traditional sign-off phrase.]



Kiwanis is a global organization of volunteers dedicated to changing the world one child and one community at a time. All of its Clubs are independently-run community service groups.