Rosemead Kiwanis Club
"Serving the Community Since 1945"
The Fax of Life
A weekly inspiration, courtesy of the Kiwanis Club of Scott's Valley
November 30, 1997 Vol. 3, No.9
If an alien from another planet were to drop in on America around December 22, he would find himself in another world. Not only would it be different from his own, but it would be substantially different from our own. A magical transformation comes over our country sometime in the late fall, right after Thanksgiving... or Halloween... or Labor Day. (Will the day ever come when the fireworks stands will begin selling Christmas trees, just to avoid the rush?)
Well, anyway, if such an alien were to attempt to report on the story behind all this December effort, it might go like this:
Mork, calling Orson. Mork, calling Orson. Hello, Orson?
Orson, they have this amazing festival down here that everybody gets into,
but especially the stores and shopping malls... What s that? Oh, well,
they're sort of an enclosed walkway where you can go and meet your friends
and smell cookies baking and buy ice cream cones to spill on the clothes in
the stores. They're the same in every city... I think there's an enormous
computer somewhere that spits them out and drops them in the suburbs, right
in the middle of a sea of automobiles that can't move. They got them in there
somehow, but there's no way to get in any more.
Oh yes, the festival. Well, it's all about a little boy with a drum, and he's born in a sleigh, in some straw, right next to some chestnuts roasting on an open fire...
Yes, it is a bit dangerous, but its okay because he is guarded by this
enormous fat man in a red suit named Round John Virgin, standing by a tree
with a partridge it in, drinking something called Wassail... No I'm not
exactly sure what it is, and nobody here can tell me. But there s a lady
kneeling nearby with a light over her head, and a couple of sheep and a
donkey and a camel and this really strange deer with a red electric nose, and
a dog sleeping on top of his doghouse while a crotchety old man is hoisting
this crippled boy on his shoulder who is holding a turkey by the neck and
saying, "God bless us everyone!"
Yeah, the little boy says that, not the turkey!... Well, anyway, after they
sing a while they take all these packages and wrap them up in paper which
they then take right off again, and the little kids play with the paper and
the older kids say, "Is that all?" and the fathers sit in front of the
picture-box and the mothers collapse on a chair.
The festival concludes sixty days later with an observance called "Visa Card
Day" when everybody becomes really serious, religious and worshipful.
Millions of people open envelopes and say, "My God!"
Yeah, its really a lot of fun. We ought to introduce it up there on Ork.
Well, that s all. NANU, NANU!
--- Larry Ballenger,
Pastor of Calvary Presbyterian Church in Fresno, CA
[Editor's Note: this essay was a fantasized parody based on a television situation comedy called Mork and Mindy. This show featured a friendly but naive alien observer (Mork) of humanity, who came from the planet Ork. He reported on earthly goings on to his superior (Orson) while being acquainted with human ways by Mindy, his primary human contact. "Nanu Nanu" was Mork's traditional sign-off phrase.]
Kiwanis is a global organization of volunteers dedicated to changing the world one child and one community at a time. All of its Clubs are independently-run community service groups.
The Kiwanis Club of Scott's Valley normally meets at the Heavenly Café in Scott's Valley, CA, on Wednesdays at 7 am - see the Scott's Valley Kiwanis website @ http://svkiwanis.org for details; The Kiwanis Club of Rosemead normally meets on Thursdays at 12:10 in Rosemead, CA - see the Rosemead Kiwanis website @ http://rosemeadkiwanis.org for confirmation and directions. Visitors are welcome to join meetings of either club anytime.
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Neither the Scott's Valley or Rosemead Kiwanis Clubs make any representations as to the accuracy of quotes or actions attributed to named individuals; material selected for the Fax of Life comes from a variety of sources and is chosen based solely on its presumed inspirational value to readers.